Monday, September 19, 2005

roller coaster

I wonder if I'm the only writer whose opinion of their writing constantly fluctuates. One day I'll read what I've written the day before and think I'm the best thing since pepperoni pizza, and two days later I'll look back and think I'm complete shit and why should I even bother? Maybe it's because writing is just so frickin' solitary--there's very little validation for your work, and what validation you get (at least at this stage of my career) is the result of needling your precious few readers: "what did you think? where were you bored? what about the plot? what about character X? did you like it? do you like me?". It's just so frustrating, because deep down I know I do good work and I know I have the talent, determination, and drive to have a decently successful career, but there's always that voice in the back of my head that whispers to me late at night when it's dark and tells me that I'm a fraud, I should quit, who do I think I am trying to be a writer when there are 100,000 people out there vying to become one of the 10,000 people published this year?
That said, I wrote four pages today. I'll write four (or more!) tomorrow. And the day after. And I'll say 'fuck you' to that voice in my head every night.